10th Nov 2009
bad night
Yesterday I had a cluster migraine while visiting my neurologist, which was good so that she could see what I was talking about, but that turned so bad that I was in pain all afternoon and much of the night. Not only did I not know there was something worse than migraines, but at least with migraines I know some of my triggers and I can tell when one is coming on. These come on so fast… I had to cancel class just half an hour before because I was throwing up and just couldn’t do it, although I have managed to teach through the beginnings of one before, this one was too advanced.
And I HATE this. I don’t feel like I have control over my own life like this. I carry my head around like this egg, as I think I’ve said, terrified of setting something off. Stupid things, a shower that is too hot, a strange smell, and this feeling of something boring my eye out of the socket comes down around my face. I couldn’t see out of my right eye; driving home was a nightmare. I don’t even know why I am writing this — I know first, that very few people are reading my blog and second, they don’t want to read about it any more but I have to write about it somehow. I feel locked in this pain. I can’t read, I can’t sleep — with regular migraines I could take meds and go sleep in a quiet room but these make me restless, anxious. Angry even.
At any rate, the neuro has put me on a new range of meds, completely different than those I was on before. I am hopeful, because I have to be. Otherwise, I think I would become a hermit. This is taking its toll on my writing and my work and definitely my relationships — how much fun am I to be around when I am locked into pain like that? It is crazy, literally. There’s no rhyme or reason to it — none that I can find, yet. I am looking for logic in something that doesn’t have it — I’m not going to get an explanation as to why these have started or even when they happen. The most I can hope for is to get them to stop.
A cluster headache aka “suicide headache”? Wow sounds serious! I know I got migraines for a long time, but now don’t get them, the cure for me was (1) going to bed on time, (2) exercising regularly (aerobic), (3) eating healthy, and getting food regularly (4) avoiding triggers, like MSG or babies crying or painful sounds or loud/stressful situations, and (5) probably most importantly, overhydrating (when in doubt drink too much water). whenever i start to feel even the slightest symptoms of a headache, i rest and go through the checklist to find any of those things that might be out of place and fix it. anyway best of luck!