flaneuse.org

Well, I just spent two extra days in Nashville, thanks to snow and being on a small plane that was prevented from flying (and then, because all the flights were small “express” flights, not being able to be reschedule). But my students appreciated the days off, I would guess, and I got to hang out with two very cool grad students, Tiffany and Marion. And now I am getting back into the swing of things here in New Jersey. I think I was never so glad to be in Newark in my life. *grin*

That wasn’t meant to be cocky, but my presentation went better than I expected and in presenting my thoughts, I started to see connections across I had not seen before. I have a lot to think through, particularly in terms of how I am collecting and analyzing my data — which I think happens when you study yourself and you have to make sure that you are being both systematic and sensical.

Sadly, I forgot in the rush of presenting to record my talk. I wish I had, because I think it would make an excellent podcast for the new literacies class, and it would help me to revisit my own thinking. There’s a good example of affordances in that — before podcasting, I could certainly tape myself, but I couldn’t make that recording easily available not just to my students but to peers and others, potentially all over the world (I’m thinking of colleagues in the field in England and Australia specifically, not just a non-specific global audience).

What I am coming to understand is that my presence and practices on MySpace and facebook are more and more important, for a variety of reasons. First, learning to be a part of social networking sites helps me to know how they work and what kinds of things happen between people on them — and that’s an important position of being informed from which I can contradict or agree with media portrayals of these sites as dangerous. Second, “being” online in social networks calls into question how or who I am, and the traditional sense of a synthesized self. Is identity becoming more divergent, yet no less coherent for being so? Can and are my representations both independent of one another (my MySpace page as different from my facebook page as different from my blog) and interdependent pieces of who I am? Why is that an important thing for me to understand as a teacher, as well as a researcher and scholar?

Deep thoughts.

I’m sitting right now in a very interesting presentation on teaching race and critical consciousness in a college class — and multitasking as the coffee hits my gray matter. I find it so hard any longer to do one thing at a time — I can’t watch TV without simultaneously working or knitting, for example.

This conference has been really interesting thus far, and my health has been holding out OK (I did head to bed by 10:30 last night, I have to admit). This is a conference very much about theory and literacy — pushing the boundaries and exploring the practices of literacy in places not often studied. For instance, in the presentation right now, he is describing having his students write a “true ghost story” about a ghost in their lives — a fantastic and dangerous idea that brings writing very close to the bone. I love that.

Other news — my presentation still isn’t done, but I can say I am ruminating on it almost constantly. Last night at the opening reception, I managed to set a paper napkin on fire and then, shortly after that, walk directly into the men’s room. Staying true to course, I guess, of doing goofy things and collecting stories throughout the weekend.

More later…

So I am sitting in a graduate student work area (”pod”) in Nashville once more. Seven years ago, I sat here as a brand new doctoral student, living far from my Colorado roots, and trying to figure out where this path was going to lead me. Now I know — some good, some I’m glad I didn’t know was coming ’round the bend. But all works out well and the right things happen, just sometimes you have to keep your eyes open and your mind flexible about the idea of “right.”

More later — I’m still behind on that paper/presentation.

I came in to work this morning to find that someone had put those little plastic stick-on googly eyes on my faculty ID. I laughed so hard that I screwed up Felicia, the department secretary, who was trying to handle a student phone call. She got to laughing too and had to put the person on hold. Just another reason why I *love* working here.

So this morning I want to think and write about conceptions of male and female — specifically here in New Jersey, where to be a Jersey Girl means something in particular (I am still finding out what that is, btw). In moving around the country from the mountain West to the sweet sunny South and now the intense and stylish Northeast, I’ve seen many different variations of what it means to be a girl. Whereas less feminine and more low maintenance still rules in Colorado, especially in mountain towns, femininity is key in the Southeast. Here in Jersey, it’s an interesting mix of manicured nails and Ugg boots worn with sweatpants, carefully applied makeup and haphazard pony tails. My students wear rhinestone studded t-shirts with apparent ease and I always know the latest bag Coach has on offer as it makes its way around campus on the arms of many a girl. To be a Jersey girl is to be strong but also pretty, tough in some ways and soft in others. It’s a neat contradiction that my female students use to walk the line of tomboys with flair, hiding all the while behind sunglass lenses the size of my car windshield.

This week has been a mess, with the exception of Valentine’s Day. I have to present a paper in Nashville at a conference next week and it’s still in the “I’m thinking it through” phase, when it should be more done than that. I had to go back to the Dr. because the pain in my sinuses won’t subside, only to find out the infection is still there and now includes my right ear. This means I get to go back to the surgeon who operated on me and another CAT scan to try to figure out the obstruction. I was so excited about this (and the sinus exam) that I cried in my doctor’s office — if only because I think I am losing my mind. How is it possible to have a sinus infection that won’t go away but only gets worse? And ear infections are terrible in this cold weather — hurts like hell.

What I’m most frustrated about, though, is how much I need to get done that I can’t seem to finish. My to-do list is in triage mode — and I have two deadlines this week besides the paper presentation. I didn’t get the podcast done that I wanted to for my grad course and now that goes on the list for things I hope to accomplish this weekend — which already includes that paper, page proofs for a publisher (nitpicky important things like references, which I have to focus really closely on), 30 papers to grade, student blogs to respond to, another conference deadline. Working out in the schools, supervising my student teacher. Developing new curriculum for our basic skills program. The thing is that it’s all stuff I want, and actually love to do — just right now I can’t seem to keep my head above water. More than once this week, I have caught myself sitting at my desk, staring at my list of things to do, completely unsure what to do first.

What’s the best thing to do here? Choose one thing, and start there? Take more time off to get well? Try to work and rest simultaneously? Throw everything to the wind and take Willa to the dog park?

Perhaps at this point, I should just put all of these options into a hat and just pick one — at least I’d get a decision made. On the other hand, there’s nowhere to go but up. *smile*

Well, we had a lovely and quiet Valentine’s Day yesterday, snowed in and raining ice (which was both pretty at times and strange — these pellets bouncing off my coat and face but different somehow from hail…)

Chris led me on a treasure hunt that ended in candy and a necklace I had admired in a store down the street. A wonderful, sweet gift and yesterday, after walking to the store, we had cheese and potato soup from scratch. The perfect thing for a cold day. Despite having a to-do list the size of my arm, we both ignored work and watched Prelude to a Kiss, which was flat-out wonderful.

And now back into work. Yay.

I have had this long-standing desire to do work in another country to help their education system for women. Well, a particular country — Afghanistan. This started when Teachers College worked on helping re-build higher education in Kabul and Kandahar after the U.S. invasion in 2001 and the Taliban was deposed and it continues to today. I just have this strong sense that I need to give back, in a larger sense than here in America and New Jersey specifically, and I have been fascinated by Afghanistan. Maybe because parts of it look like Colorado, or maybe because of the particular plight of women there — I don’t know. I feel a pull to find a way to get there, just for a few months, and do what I can as well as see what life is like for women in a very different situation than here. The more involved I get in adult literacy and education, the more I want to use what I am learning in places that desperately need it. I even went so far as to check the United Nations site, but they aren’t sending women volunteers there right now because of safety issues (and I can just hear my mother saying that I should pay close attention to that fact).. then yesterday, when checking out a video for Basic Skills on Afghanistan Unveiled (it’s the first documentary produced by women after the fall of the Taliban) I met Aleana.

She is an international student from Afghanistan here to study political science and she works with the gender unit of the UN back home to help women. I gave her my card and asked her to email me if she saw any opportunities where I might be able to help. So we shall see.

Willa’s new favorite toy? An empty two-liter bottle. This was after we took away a five-pound dumbell (that I had been using to exercise, but Willa got a hold of). How is this possible?

The boy behind me in line at the student center cafeteria was telling his friend how he was going to surprise his girlfriend with flowers Valentine’s Day. It’s not usually my favorite holiday (mine would be Thanksgiving and St.Patty’s Day now that I am an adult — of sorts) but the amount of time and energy he was putting into this, plus the palpable excitement in his voice made me smile.

Still feeling better. This is good — it’s been a tough January and February.

Wife Swap is on tonight (I heart terrible reality television) and I’m going to half watch it as I prepare class for tomorrow introducing Kite Runner and answering their questions about Afghanistan and the Taliban. And maybe it will snow and I can take Willa the Waggle Dog out in it!

Here is a link to a page Chris put up of pictures he took of her: Willa the Wonder Dog!